Trials and Tribulations

It's four am. I can't sleep. It's been four days now. Aliana has been diagnosed with H1N1 - better known as Swine Flu. She also has pneumonia, AND bronchitis. When she gets sick, she does it big time. I have made my bedroom the sick room - complete with masks, medicines, drinks, books, etc.

Watching your child be that sick is not fun. Even though she is fifteen, I don't like it at all. I would rather go through it for her. Hearing her cough so hard that it almost makes her cry, breaks my heart.

I wonder how our Heavenly Father feels as our parent, when we as earthly parents stand by and feel so helpless with our children when we try so hard to help them, but they have to go through this process on their own. He must feel similar feelings, with everything we do. Not just being sick - but with the choices we make in our lives. Does He feel helpless, wishing He could reach out and save us from ourselves at times?

I can't even imagine what it must be like for Him. I have a glimpse of it, being a parent, and being entrusted with the care of these precious children He has given me.

Then I think of myself - and the choices I have made, and continue to make. Sometimes I have chills. I am so so very glad for the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Not only did He suffer for our sins, He suffered for every single pain that we have to endure, every trial, every tribulation that we must go through. And hopefully, when we return home, we will be told "well done, thou good and faithful servant".

I am grateful for the knowledge that I have in this life of the gospel and of a kind and loving Father in Heaven. I know He loves me and my children, and watches over us. With Vinny being away, not having the priesthood in our home has been the single hardest thing that I have had to endure, for I have come to rely on it so much. I am grateful for a husband who honors his priesthood, and who I know can use it and is ready and willing to be worthy at all times.

Sleep may escape me tonight. But, I feel the spirit, and I know my Savior is near. Since General Conference - I have felt a stronger urgency to be more dedicated to write my testimony and share it more, especially after listening to Elder Holland's testimony about the Book of Mormon.

I am not going to be a "fence sitter". I want the world to know what I do believe. I DO however, believe in compassion, and kindness, and being good to your fellow men.

As I go through my journey, if I have offended anyone.. please forgive me. I want so much to be Christlike, and I want my children to know that, my grandchildren to know that, and my friends and family to know that.

Yes, the trials and tribulations will come, but they will also teach me. And hopefully, I will use them as I should - as life lessons.